I'm 22 and I don't know what to do.

You're young and you want so many things in life. You want to live life meaningfully, with passion, with a mission. You want to make a difference, create change, and inspire other people.

You dread the daily grind of a 9-to-5 in a corporate setting. You don't want to just stare a computer screen, surrounded by gray walls, working on stuff which don't really matter in the long run. You have deadlines which don't sustain past being deadlines.

In a month or two, you'll just forget about them.

You don't actually think you're running out of time (which is what most people usually say). You just want to live the life you want. Right now. Because you're young and you want to get things kicking already.

Impatient, aggressive, ambitious, driven, and.. clueless.

Twenty Two Things About Being Twenty Two

Normally, people have obligatory birthday posts wherein they reflect where they are in life, how far along they are with their goals, yaddi yadda the whole kit and caboodle.

I turned 22 last September 20. How is life so far for this twenty-something?

Why I Am Rich Even If I Don't Look Like It

One fine day at work, when my task load wasn't that heavy, I found myself browsing the interwebs for stuff to read. At least I'm feeding my brain and enlightening my soul whilst at a nine-to-grind job. (Well, actually it's 11am-8pm)

The great thing about being bored at times is that I constantly try to find things to keep my mind preoccupied. Preoccu-mind. So anyway, going back to the browsing, I was so glad I chanced upon this article on the Business Insider.

It made me reflect and think on my current financial status: I'm broke but I'm rich.

Tourists vs Travelers

I'll be very honest with you, reader.

Every time I travel, I don't want to look like a tourist. What does it mean to be either one anyway? Tourist or traveler? There always seems to be a negative or at least a less favorable attitude toward tourists. Allow me to elaborate...

With pops and mom at the Fredriksten Fortress in Halden, Norway

Frida Kahlo, Mexican Surrealist Painter

A woman ahead of her time. A sharp tongue, quick wit, a strong heart and enigmatic artistry. I first watched her biopic as portrayed by the indomitable Salma Hayek for my art appreciation class back in college. As I watched in awe at this remarkable woman's life story, I found myself drawn to her...

Generation Gap

Every generation has their own version of "the good ol' days". A time when things were simpler, more fun, what have you. One generation begins as another lives and leaves its legacy. In the end, every one is hardly ever satisfied. Is anyone ever?

Gandhi: Fighting Violence with Peace

Gandhi is one of my life's heroes. I live (or I try very hard to) by his famous words, "Live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever." It just sums up a great life philosophy in a few powerful words. Needless to say, when I found out (albeit quite late) that Mohandas K. Gandhi had a biopic, I rushed immediately to download it.

What I learned from the movie has undoubtedly left me quite even more awestruck at this historical legendary figure.

The Thing About the Corporate World

A few months. No wait, a few years before college graduation, I was getting really iffy about the idea of me having to undergo the 9 to 5 daily grind. It just scared me that I wouldn't be living up to my full left or right-brained potential nor would I be making the most of life's infinite joyous moments outside of a 20-storey building. Oh, the cubicle-ness of it all.

I always told myself that eventually, I'd find out what my passion is and that I would get a job well suited to my interests and skills. That was about 5 years ago. Like, 2009 B.C. -- Before College.

Alright, time to let my mind wander and go ponder.

The Thing About Being Healthy

"Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we shall die...or dine in hell, I forgot the line."

Everyone has their reasons for being health conscious. Certain illnesses running in the family, religious beliefs, personal principles, they feel the pain of pigs, et cetera ad infinitum. For whatever reasons a person's health is of high regard to them, that's their business.

But in this day and age of food-that's-like-food-but-it's-not-really-food, health conscious people are sometimes deemed to be health freaks. Oh I don't know, read the rest of the post if you will.

The Thing About Religion

I think religion is a beautiful thing. Believing without relying on naked plain sight, entrusting your whole self fully to One who is not physically present but promises boundless reward for boundless faith.

The intellectuals and reason-minded among us think religion and faith to be absurd. Believing in magic, foolishly praising a God that would let evil and chaos run amok in this world.

I am not a very religious person, nor do I choose to side with reason for that matter. However, with what little light of faith I have inside me and with the many lessons I've learned from reason-minded intellectuals, I'd like to share my views on religion.

The Thing About Self-Shots

I hate the word "selfie". But hate, I guess would be too strong an emotion. Let's just say I'm not fond of the word.

People love taking self-shots because it makes them look pretty/handsome, macho, cute, what have you. The lacking element of candidness will not give way for unattractive shots because you can just delete it anyway when you look crappy; or post it online when you look like you're modelling for Vogue or whatever.

This act of vanity plagues social networks: "Look at me, God damn it, I am oozing with sexaaayy."

There is nothing wrong, per se about vanity, or selfies. (Ehhhh.) You make love to the camera, and the camera, with the right timing, lighting, expression and projection, it reciprocates.

Personally, I prefer using profile pictures that aren't the product of vanity. Those photos that other people took of me. Let me say upfront that I am NOT a photogenic person. I look deformed most of the time when posting for photos. But this is not the reason I don't like taking self-shots.

The reason for me preferring to use photos that other people took is because I prefer it to be natural. I want to use a "social network face" that I didn't have to scrutinize over, taking a dozen similar shots of.

I don't know how to pose in front of the camera. I have an awkward smile. I have no idea what people mean when they say "project". When I look good in a photo, it's kind of a big deal for me because unlike the rest of shutter-happy society, the camera does not love me. It just likes me as a friend. What a thought. Friendzoned by the camera.

EXHIBIT A.

These self-shots were taken right after I woke at 10:30 a.m. It's one of those rare miraculous mornings wherein I wake up with hair that seemed like I worked hours to style. My face doesn't look like a grease pan. The light shed the room in a warm way. I was filled with happy vibes.

Au naturel. (I freaking swear on my soul.)

On the rare occasion that I actually take self-shots, I don't want to look pretty or cute. Eh. That't what everyone else does. I want to show the more natural side of myself. My face has no inhibitions. I don't want to just smile and think "oohhh, this shot is going to be a good one."

Just look at those faces. Look at theeeeemmm. Uninhibited self shots are better than pretty ones. I hardly ever have the latter anyway.

EXHIBIT B.

The Beatles' "A Hard Days' Night" album cover.

Exhibit B inspired Exhibit A. I like the way the album cover was taken. Candid, natural, black & white.

The aim in self-portraits is not to look pretty. Everyone already knows you are, sure. The aim is to express yourself through your face. That's the funner side of self-portraits. Self-expression.

To Quote Two Playwrights

"All the world's a stage,

And all men and women merely players:

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts."

As You Like It, William Shakespeare

Life is a Dream. When I was in third year college, my professor talked about this play by the Spanish dramatist Calderón de la Barca of the Baroque period. "What is life? A madness. What is life? A illusion, a shadow, a story, and the greatest good is little enough, for all life is a dream."

(You'd think it's amazing that I remember all these details given the fact that I don't pay much attention in class because that I am perpetually sleepy but no, I am currently copying the lines from the de la Barca play from an amazing book I am reading entitled "Sophie's World" by Jostein Gaardner. So there.)

Life is a dream. The conflict in this play lies in the main character's situation wherein he wakes up from a terrible dream although not knowing whether or not it was real. He is then convinced that the world in which has woken up in is the dream world. A story reminiscent of Inception.

People wake up every morning convinced they are in the "real world" per se. But what IS the real world? Can we sleep as paupers then wake up as royalty then next day? Which then would be deemed the real world?

The real world, based on people's constant rambling and complaining, is the realm wherein we are splashed with the harshness of reality. Where we are made to work 9 to 5 for a living that will never seem to be enough to satisfy worldly desires. Where we are made to think that a life of feeding your passions is less important than a life of feeding your avarice.

Life truly IS madness. Life IS but a stage. We are merely actors, merely dreamers. With this gift we have been bestowed with, what shall we dream up? What shall be the lines that we will deliver as we play our part in the grand scheme of life? What world will we wake up in?

Will you be content to live in the real world? Or the life that you have the power to dream of? The power to transcend from this dream into the reality of your schemes?

P.S. Sometimes I think I read too much, write too much or watch waaay too many movies. Feel free to tell me what you think.

:)

The Thing About Travelling

I would like to begin this post with Robert Frost's timeless poem, "The Road not Taken".

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

The Right to be Heard

Like any ordinary and humble netizen and citizen of the Philippines, I have but a few thoughts and opinions on the latest issue that has plagued our country. Plagued. Am I still allowed to use that word?

Image taken from Digital Martial Law Article on GMA News Online and SPOT.ph

Everyone has been quoting Article I of the Bill of Rights which basically states that every Filipino regardless of who they are, what they do and where they come from, has a right to Life, Liberty and Property. They CANNOT be deprived of these rights unless there is due process of law.

There have also been posts about the right to freedom of expression in whatever form, manner or medium. I am not a student of law, nor do I practice it. I cannot admit to fully comprehending the laws of our country but I, like all other citizens of our country, have access to the information on the latest schemes and sad excuses for bills that our government shits out.

There is a new act that steps on the rights of Filipinos.

I do not intend to expound on its legality, pros and cons. It is enough to know that this particular act does not respect and uphold the Filipinos' rights. I'd like to know, what do they want to get out of this? I am all for eradicating cyber bullying, cyber sex and all other online acts that are detrimental to the general welfare of society. But to hinder and block us from expressing what we want, however harmless they may be, and to stop us from publishing posts? That's borderline idiotic and quite frankly, atrocious.

I do not want to bash any more on this joke of a law. You get enough of that on the internet. No. I would like to contemplate on the ideals of the common Filipino which they have been deliberately trampled to dust. On the historical events of our nation's great legacy that have become absolutely meaningless to so many today, including persons in the government. On the future of our country that I imagine what with the bonehead "public servants" that "serve" us.

We celebrate Rizal Day, Bonifacio Day, Independence Day, Edsa Revolution Day, and other events that commemorate the victory and triumph of the Filipinos throughout history. We celebrate our great heroes to remember what they did and who they are. Along with this remembrance, we can only hope to embody their ideals and become who they are--heroes, brave men who fought for freedom, ideal Filipinos. Nowadays, celebrating these great events and heroic men of Filipino history merely means regular holidays and no class days. What the hell happened?

The people standing up to the Cybercrime Prevention Act reminds me so much of Rizal standing up to abusive people of power of the Spanish colonial period with Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo; of Ninoy and Cory Aquino's fight for democracy; of the Katipuneros' actions for freedom. All of these boil down to the fact that the people in government no longer care. Although the actions of our great heroes and those who have voiced out their opinions on our right to freedom of expression are not of equal magnitude, they are basically the same. Fight for freedom, fight for justice, fight for our rights.

In my travels in other countries, I can only hope and dream that one day, we will be able to reach an equal level with our brothers in foreign seas. Educated citizens, less pollution, a responsible government, an active work force. All these seem like pipe dreams that are but lingering in the recesses of the minds of dreamers of a better Philippines.

The rash actions and fogged mentality of our government have brought nothing but shame to our country and constant suffering for our countrymen. They concentrate on those that don't actually need their immediate actions. They do not seem take their work seriously. They lack empathy and compassion for the people who have been robbed of their dignity, rights and protection.

Expressing oneself encourages intellectual stimulation. It invites individuals to become better thinkers, speakers, writers, especially with a wide avenue for sharing ideas. (Ideas -- one of my favorite words.) But if the government attempts to shut us out and dampen opportunities to expound on the issues of our country, then the few free thinkers will not be able to reach out to people who have lent their ears to ideas that are about Filipino ideals. What are still staying in school for if we cannot become original thinkers and creators?

Cybercrime Prevention Act of 2012; so many issues and conundrums can stem from it. So many more branches of the same tree stretching outward only to bear no fruit and vegetation. The many social, economic and cultural issues that have befallen on our country bring me to tears. What happened? We have become the laughing stock of the whole world. We have lost the Filipino identity. We have forgotten what it means to be a Filipino.

I know this will not reach out to a lot of people or less likely, the government. But I don't care. I am but a small voice struggling to be heard in a country that is being attempted to be silenced.

Respect our rights. Or shun yourself from the position you were entrusted to commit to by the people who put you there.

The Thing About Studying

I grew up hearing the words "Number one??"

What's wrong with being number two? Three? Four, five and so on for that matter? Although of course as a child, I never questioned this to the adults who fed my siblings and I with constant pressure.

Starting out in my school age, I was never really the studious type until the time came when we were started to be asked, how are your grades in school? "Good" or "fine" would always be the default answers. Progressing into my elementary years, the need to be in the top five of the class became a priority for me. 

The pressure was always there. When my siblings and I were asked a question, we learned that saying "I don't know" would get us scolded. When we were asked a question, we HAD to know the answer. This is the time when we came up with several euphemisms for the words "I don't know."

"I'm not sure but..."

"Someone said that..."

[insert a lie here]

Elementary graduation eventually become a huge let down for me.

I hated it, feeling like I let a lot of people down since I didn't win anything. In my high school years, the nerd in me came back with a vengeance. Always in the top 3 of the class, top 5 of the batch. I stayed within those boundaries but it was never enough. It never really seemed to be for me. Although it may seem like it, I'm not bragging.

Graduation. I graduated fourth in the batch and I wrote the graduation song. I felt elated, feeling like I achieved something worthwhile.

Well.

Little did I know that the person I was back then would totally change in college. Little did I know that with all my years in school, I would only realize at this point that awards don't mean everything. Being a student is not as worthwhile if the parameter by which to say how good a student is, is by the number of awards, achievements and recognitions he or she receives. Studying is not as worthwhile if you're not excited to gain new knowledge. Why? Fear, pressure, laziness, what have you.

I realized that I have never really liked studying. I hated it. I preferred learning from the teachers who are actually passionate in teaching students lessons not limited to the book. I loved learning about other people, not only about their lives but about their journeys through life. I loved escaping to books which are the vessel for which human nature is understood; music without which this world would be deafened by the silence of well... nothing. Art which feeds the eyes, the heart, the soul.

Basically what I'm saying is that, I wish I had a better perception towards school and grades. The pressure that clung to my neck was too much that I constantly worry, crack under pressure and let my anxieties get to me. I hated this. I resolve to stop this attitude before the pressure ignites the anxious monster within me yet again.

It's okay to fail. It's okay to feel lazy. It's okay to cry tears of frustration in chancing upon a question that required very deep thought and analysis to get the only acceptable answer that you wouldn't otherwise get in reviewing 200++ pages of the Labor Code. It's okay to cry tears of anger in not channeling my thought prowess (should I have any) in answering said question.

It's okay. We're students. We're humans. We're not mere minorities upon whose throats they'd all love to shove their ideas into. No.

I miss being able to read something and being excited at the prospect of learning something new. I miss being able to study without the anxiety of whether or not I pass. Wait, when in my life were these circumstances ever applicable? That's the thing. I am a student constantly riddled by pressures of the academe and the wrong principles with which I was equipped to face the "real world".

Reading and studying in the wee hours of night can burst into flames along with the midnight oil I burn in reviewing books and notes so late.

"I don't like studying. I hate studying. I like learning. Learning is beautiful."

Natalie Portman

The very quote that altered my perception toward education.

Uncertainty

I have spent about 3 days reading, being unable to absorb anything. My perpetually sleepy mind can only take so much. I'm not yet done studying for an exam at 3PM later today. Oh well.

That feeling when you're not entirely sure about something. You only know enough that you want to go for it anyway. Falling at 9.8m/s^2 but I'm still clinging on to the latch of my parachute. Should I let my inhibitions go and just keep falling or be cautious and blow up the parachute once something's amiss?

I have no idea.

I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. But being the adventure junkie that I am, I threw caution to the wind and made the plunge anyway. Driving in the dark with my headlights on, unaware of what lies ahead after the 20-meter distance laid out before me.

For now, I am not certain about anything except the fact that this seems like worth a try. But I'm still holding on to my parachute because I don't want to fall all the way down and break my skull.

"Love knows no boundaries.. or safety precautions."

;*