You're young and you want so many things in life. You want to live life meaningfully, with passion, with a mission. You want to make a difference, create change, and inspire other people.
You dread the daily grind of a 9-to-5 in a corporate setting. You don't want to just stare a computer screen, surrounded by gray walls, working on stuff which don't really matter in the long run. You have deadlines which don't sustain past being deadlines.
In a month or two, you'll just forget about them.
You don't actually think you're running out of time (which is what most people usually say). You just want to live the life you want. Right now. Because you're young and you want to get things kicking already.
Impatient, aggressive, ambitious, driven, and.. clueless.
What do I do? I have a job as a Learning Administrator in a BPO company (basically organizing off-shore training events). On the side, I write for WheninManila.com and sometimes, ModernFilipina.ph. I also started facilitating classes for Trade School Manila. What else...
I go to cultural events that tickle my fancy and pique my interests. Just some stuff I stumble upon online like gigs, cultural tours, travels, etc. I also volunteer. I like volunteering.
Right now... I'm starting to doubt myself. Sometimes you think that maybe you're not as good at the things you say you're good at. You're trying to find your niche out there in the world. You go along a career path that creates development in any sector, be it environment, education, culture, etc.
I try to read as much literature as I can on this personal conflict I have. I want to go back to school and learn about behavioral science and / or development studies. I want to travel on a buck and live to regale friends with my tales (and pictures). I want to meet up with my friends every weekend if I could (damn, the north seems so far). I want to live minimalistically, to use locally made products, use the good, organic stuff, live healthy.
So much.
Thinking about everything I want to do is driving me crazy especially since I don't know how far along I am with whatever I want to do, and whatever I'm aimlessly working on these days.
Ugh. Ya'll think we're spoiled brats. Maybe we are. But most of us actually want to make a living out of making a difference. To find that holy point where our life passions and paychecks meet.
Basically, I want what I just said -- making a living while making a difference.
I read somewhere: If you can't be inspired, inspire someone. I think that applies to all other conflicts we have, right? If you can't be happy, cheer someone up. If you can't find direction in life, help someone find theirs.
Life is a series of paying it forward or taking things for granted, I don't know.
My life is a series of crazy things happening all at once, of epiphanies and "eureka" moments of realizing what I might want to do, of conflicting moments, whether or not I should do this, go for that, tit for tat.
My fatal flaw is laziness. Others? Procrastination, easily distracted, chicken shit. I'm pretty sure I can handle this on my own, I'm a big girl. But I would appreciate help.
I think I know what I want to do and I think I know how to start. Whether or not the chips fall into place over time? We'll know. Then maybe I'll just let the journey speak for itself.
Universe, I believe in you.
